Recently there has been one thing that has consumed me, my broken heart. All I can do is think of him, miss him, love him. At least the him I thought I knew. I've heard "our song" more times in the last couple weeks than I heard our entire relationship, and for awhile I thought it was a sign or something, like maybe something had finally changed. Thats what I WANTED to believe, well it only took 4 minutes and 43 seconds for me to see that what I WANTED wasn't what I NEEDED. It was in the 4 minutes that my broken heart was shattered. After tears, hoplessness, self pity, and another 50 minutes and 42 seconds on the phone with one of my .Angels. I was able to start realizing why it all had happened, why I've been consumed, and to realize that in that 4 minutes and 43 seconds I had heard what I truly needed to finally move on. To let my heart be put back together, to keep searching. To love again. I get it now, after 8 months of sadness, being lonely, and wondering why, I am able to see the blessing. And I am grateful.
xoxo-D
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
The words that haunt me.
The words, the melody, the memories, the forgotten dreams, the missing boy, and the broken heart. All brought on by one song that I have grown to love and to hate with a fiery passion...
The song that haunts me:
I said, "I wanna touch the earth
I wanna break it in my hands
I wanna grow somethingWild and unruly"
I wanna sleep on the hard ground
In the comfort of your arms
On a pillow of blue bonnets
In a blanket made of stars
Oh it sounds good to me
I say, "Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
"Set me free oh I pray
Closer to Heaven above and
Closer to you, closer to you
I wanna walk and not run
I wanna skip and not fall
I wanna look at the horizon
And not see a building standing tall
I wanna be the only one
For miles and miles
Except for maybe you
And your simple smile
Oh it sounds good to me
Yes it sounds so good to me
Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
Set me free oh I pray
Closer to Heaven above and
Closer to you, closer to you
I said, "I wanna touch the earth
I wanna break it in my hands
I wanna grow something
Wild and unruly"
Oh it sounds so good to me
Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
Set me free oh I pray
Closer to Heaven above and
Closer to you, closer to you
Closer to you
Cowboy take me away
Closer to you
L.U.A.
KWR.
The song that haunts me:
I said, "I wanna touch the earth
I wanna break it in my hands
I wanna grow somethingWild and unruly"
I wanna sleep on the hard ground
In the comfort of your arms
On a pillow of blue bonnets
In a blanket made of stars
Oh it sounds good to me
I say, "Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
"Set me free oh I pray
Closer to Heaven above and
Closer to you, closer to you
I wanna walk and not run
I wanna skip and not fall
I wanna look at the horizon
And not see a building standing tall
I wanna be the only one
For miles and miles
Except for maybe you
And your simple smile
Oh it sounds good to me
Yes it sounds so good to me
Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
Set me free oh I pray
Closer to Heaven above and
Closer to you, closer to you
I said, "I wanna touch the earth
I wanna break it in my hands
I wanna grow something
Wild and unruly"
Oh it sounds so good to me
Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
Set me free oh I pray
Closer to Heaven above and
Closer to you, closer to you
Closer to you
Cowboy take me away
Closer to you
L.U.A.
KWR.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Monday.
First subject;
Heartbreak
One of those feelings that never seem to go away. The one where every single thing left and right will remind you of the person that once loved you as much as you love them. You still love them, but they have let go, given up on you. It's not just a mental feeling, but when it happens you feel this pain right where your heart is. Like your heart is actually breaking, and I believe it actually is.
Enough said. 9 months later and it still hurts... especially this time of year.
Next subject,
Rejection
One step closer to true love.
God willing.
Third subject,
Dating
The modern day battlefield of romance where hearts are won and broken, the not-quite so version of chivalry and wooing, an interview for a lover; the lay down some time-and money and see if you get some candy routine; the progressed game of cat-and-mouse; the human courtship ritual; playing baseball for a home run.
Pointless. Ridiculous. Time consuming. A necessary evil.
Ok.. Enough of that portion of my post.. I believe you get the point of my current mood.
Moving on...
Today was the big day.
I took my baby in to be fixed! dun dun dun.... I don't know who was more traumatized by it.. me, or her!
It may sound ridiculous to all of you out there who have a bf/gf, spouse, kids, whatever! but to me... she is my family and she is my BABY!
I took her in at 8:45, filled out the paperwork and then handed her over... easy enough right? she'd be all mine again in 6 hours and counting.. easy. NOT. She was fine.. until the minute I turned to leave.. then it was jumping, twisting, whining, pulling and begging. Anything she could do to get herself off that leash and out the door with me. Wow, talk about feeling like a TERRIBLE person... especially considering that I've never left her anywhere or with anyone besides at home or with my mom. I teared up a little as I got in the car.
2:45 couldn't come soon enough so I could take my break from work and go get her and take her home. As they brought her out to me I could see she wanted to be excited to see me but was to groggy and sore to do anything about it.
Tonight she is walking around but still SOOO out of it! especially if you know my hyperactive ball of fur! and when she moves to much she whimpers.. heartbreak city! my poor baby.. she hasn't even had food or water for almost 24 hours! Inhumane right? But those are Dr.'s orders.. Don't worry- I splurged and bought the extra pain meds to keep my sissy as comfortable as possible for the next 5 days!
<3 me.
Heartbreak
One of those feelings that never seem to go away. The one where every single thing left and right will remind you of the person that once loved you as much as you love them. You still love them, but they have let go, given up on you. It's not just a mental feeling, but when it happens you feel this pain right where your heart is. Like your heart is actually breaking, and I believe it actually is.
Enough said. 9 months later and it still hurts... especially this time of year.
Next subject,
Rejection
One step closer to true love.
God willing.
Third subject,
Dating
The modern day battlefield of romance where hearts are won and broken, the not-quite so version of chivalry and wooing, an interview for a lover; the lay down some time-and money and see if you get some candy routine; the progressed game of cat-and-mouse; the human courtship ritual; playing baseball for a home run.
Pointless. Ridiculous. Time consuming. A necessary evil.
Ok.. Enough of that portion of my post.. I believe you get the point of my current mood.
Moving on...
Today was the big day.
I took my baby in to be fixed! dun dun dun.... I don't know who was more traumatized by it.. me, or her!
It may sound ridiculous to all of you out there who have a bf/gf, spouse, kids, whatever! but to me... she is my family and she is my BABY!
I took her in at 8:45, filled out the paperwork and then handed her over... easy enough right? she'd be all mine again in 6 hours and counting.. easy. NOT. She was fine.. until the minute I turned to leave.. then it was jumping, twisting, whining, pulling and begging. Anything she could do to get herself off that leash and out the door with me. Wow, talk about feeling like a TERRIBLE person... especially considering that I've never left her anywhere or with anyone besides at home or with my mom. I teared up a little as I got in the car.
2:45 couldn't come soon enough so I could take my break from work and go get her and take her home. As they brought her out to me I could see she wanted to be excited to see me but was to groggy and sore to do anything about it.
Tonight she is walking around but still SOOO out of it! especially if you know my hyperactive ball of fur! and when she moves to much she whimpers.. heartbreak city! my poor baby.. she hasn't even had food or water for almost 24 hours! Inhumane right? But those are Dr.'s orders.. Don't worry- I splurged and bought the extra pain meds to keep my sissy as comfortable as possible for the next 5 days!
<3 me.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Challenge.
I saw this idea on another blog. Fell in love with the idea. Thanks Ash.
THE CHALLENGE
70 things I want to do!
1. Don't cut my hair for one whole year.. only trims.
2. Become debt free.
3. Buy a large piece of furniture.
4. No caffeine for a month.
5. Lose 6 pant sizes.
6. Attend the gym AT LEAST 4 times a week.
7. Go see my favorite bands live: Jason Aldean, Luke Bryan, Carrie Underwood, Kellie Pickler.
8. Read one book every month.
9. Blog every day for a month.
10. Run a mile.
11. Go skiing at least once.
12. Carve my name and a crushes name in a tree
13. Walk to work for a week.
14. Spend a weekend in a town I've never been to.
15. Drink 80 oz. of water a day for a month.
16. Sleep under the stars.
17. Take hunters Ed.
18. Shoot a deer.
19. Get my legs waxed
20. Get my fortune told
21. Watch the sunrise.
22. Go swimming at Ririe Res.
23. Get out of bed before 8 o'clock every day for a week.
24. Get a facial.
25. De-junk my entire apartment.
26. Give blood
27. Get a massage.
28. Attend a Sporting event.
29. Write a list of 100 random facts about myself.
30. Learn to say no.
31. Fall deeply in love-helplessly and unconditionally.
32. Go ice skating.
33. Write your will.
34. Make a Recipe book.
35. Write a letter to someone every week all year.
36. Complete my Christmas shopping by December 1st.
37. Be content with myself and accepting of who I am 100%.
38. Go ice fishing.
39. Shave my legs every day for a month.
40. Be on time to work every day for a week.
41. Go rollar skating.
42. Go on a road trip.
43. Pack my bag and set off to where ever my heart desires for a weekend.
44. Buy a party dress and find somewhere to wear it.
45.Redesign my room.
46. Make an elaborate meal for myself (and maybe a date).
47. Go to vegas.
48. Play the lottery.
49. Ask for a raise.
50.Get at least one piercing.
51. Attend a Zumba Class
52. Ask for more responsibilities at work.
53. Milk a cow
54. Take at least one class to extend my education.
55. Pamper myself everyday for a week.
56. Stop biting my fingernails.
57. Take more pictures.
58. Attend a hockey game.
59. Become 100% Financially Dependent.
60. Save $200 to spend on WHATEVER.
61. Visit Cabella's.
62. Take Yoga.
63. Get a pedicure.
64. Dance in the rain.
65. Send flowers for no reason.
66. Go to west Yellowstone.
67. Go to Jackson hole.
68. Pretend to be a model for a day and get my pictures taken.
69. Go on a cruise
70. Organize my whole Itunes library
Challenge: Complete all 70 things by November 2011
THE CHALLENGE
70 things I want to do!
1. Don't cut my hair for one whole year.. only trims.
2. Become debt free.
3.
4. No caffeine for a month.
5. Lose 6 pant sizes.
6. Attend the gym AT LEAST 4 times a week.
7. Go see my favorite bands live: Jason Aldean, Luke Bryan, Carrie Underwood, Kellie Pickler.
8. Read one book every month.
9. Blog every day for a month.
10. Run a mile.
11. Go skiing at least once.
12. Carve my name and a crushes name in a tree
13. Walk to work for a week.
14. Spend a weekend in a town I've never been to.
15. Drink 80 oz. of water a day for a month.
16. Sleep under the stars.
17. Take hunters Ed.
18. Shoot a deer.
19. Get my legs waxed
20. Get my fortune told
21. Watch the sunrise.
22. Go swimming at Ririe Res.
23. Get out of bed before 8 o'clock every day for a week.
24. Get a facial.
25. De-junk my entire apartment.
26. Give blood
27. Get a massage.
28. Attend a Sporting event.
29. Write a list of 100 random facts about myself.
30. Learn to say no.
31. Fall deeply in love-helplessly and unconditionally.
32. Go ice skating.
33. Write your will.
34. Make a Recipe book.
35. Write a letter to someone every week all year.
36. Complete my Christmas shopping by December 1st.
37. Be content with myself and accepting of who I am 100%.
38. Go ice fishing.
39. Shave my legs every day for a month.
40. Be on time to work every day for a week.
41. Go rollar skating.
42. Go on a road trip.
43. Pack my bag and set off to where ever my heart desires for a weekend.
44. Buy a party dress and find somewhere to wear it.
45.
46. Make an elaborate meal for myself (and maybe a date).
47. Go to vegas.
48. Play the lottery.
49. Ask for a raise.
50.
51. Attend a Zumba Class
52. Ask for more responsibilities at work.
53. Milk a cow
54. Take at least one class to extend my education.
55. Pamper myself everyday for a week.
56. Stop biting my fingernails.
57. Take more pictures.
58. Attend a hockey game.
59. Become 100% Financially Dependent.
60. Save $200 to spend on WHATEVER.
61. Visit Cabella's.
62. Take Yoga.
63. Get a pedicure.
64. Dance in the rain.
65. Send flowers for no reason.
66. Go to west Yellowstone.
67. Go to Jackson hole.
68. Pretend to be a model for a day and get my pictures taken.
69. Go on a cruise
70. Organize my whole Itunes library
Challenge: Complete all 70 things by November 2011
mine all mine.
this is my new place to create.
explore.
vent.
cry.
rejoice.
reflect.
grow.
mature.
and remember...
enjoy.
or don't. this one is for me.. and me alone.
xoxo-D.
explore.
vent.
cry.
rejoice.
reflect.
grow.
mature.
and remember...
enjoy.
or don't. this one is for me.. and me alone.
xoxo-D.
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