Heartbreaker...

You tell me that I'm beautiful but that could be a lie.

Are you a heart breaker?

maybe you want me for the ride...

What if i'm falling for a heart breaker?

and everything is just a lie...
Temporary happiness is like waiting for the knife..

Because I'm always watching for someone to show their darker side,

So maybe i'll sit back and just enjoy this for now.

Watch it all play out and see if you really stick around.
But there is always this one question

that keeps me up at night.

are you my greatest love? or disappointment in my life.

I met someone a week ago.. He is a nice guy. A lot of the things i'm looking for in my life. But I'm not ready to accept that, or him. I wait for him to be the heart breaker, that I expect him to be. I keep waiting for a day to go by when I won't hear from him. Or the plans we make to be cancelled for some annoying reason.. It hasn't yet... But I keep waiting for it. For now i'm taking it a day at a time... I would like to be more but I don't know if i'm ready for that.. he says he isn't so who knows what will happen.. but I don't hold out for much...

until next time.

xoxo-D.

400.

Wow, 400 page views, and 4 follows. What a quink-i-dink. Funny that my little angel's favorite number is 4. When I'm with him, EVERYTHING is supposed to be done in 4's. he is amazing. but that is a post for another day :] I'm feeling like maybe I want to jump on the bandwagon of doing a dorky, but totally awesome fun little give away. Just for hitting my little angel's favorite number.

So lets do it. 4 days. at 4:00 p.m., Sunday, Feb. 27th 2011 at 4:00 p.m. will be the cut off. so the challenge.... 4 things you have discovered about me from my crazy blogging, and 4 quirky things about yourself. Then I will randomly choose a winner!

Yay!

Can't wait to try my first blog give away...

xoxo-D.

2 a.m.

its 2 a.m. and i'm sitting at my moms... I should go home but for some reason haven't been able to peel myself off this couch.. A lot on my mind I suppose.

for starters... I ran across a blog earlier, of a girl I went to school with who blogs about her recent diagnosis and trials with depression. It brought on a lot of feelings for me... some of annoyance, some of admiration, fear, a many others. Most of you probably are familiar with the fact that I was diagnosed with clinical depression almost 6 years ago. At first I was annoyed with this peer because I thought, wow talk about needing some attention, and that she was living up to the stereotype... then i had to admire her, for being willing to be so open about it... something I struggle with outside a special few people who I know I can trust, and then fear.... how could she be so open.. about something so personal? Maybe one day I will reach total acceptance of my diagnosis, and I will be ready to talk openly about it. Until then, surprise! I am clinically depressed. For now thats as much as I can admit.

much love,

xoxo -D

Rebound...

I need to rant.

Just for a few minutes, about a couple different subjects.

1. The men out there who ALWAYS claim "nice guys finish last." Bullshit. They do not, but you guys, ha you guys deserve EVERYTHING you get. Why you ask? Because no matter how nice of a girl you have in front of you, even if she is the girl who has and will always be there for you no matter how big of an ass you have been, even if she is the girl who has rubbed your back after a long day at work, waited that extra hour for you, had plenty of plans cancelled at the last minute, and everything else that you have asked her to do... she will NEVER be the girl you invest your time in. You will ALWAYS, without fail, go for the prettier, faker, skinnier girl who will use you, abuse you, and leave you. Then you will always come back to your fall back girl. THAT is why you the UN nice guy will always finish last.

2. The skinny, fake, "pretty" girls. You bitches. Thank you, for taking EVERY guy us AVERAGE girls have ever been into because you CAN. Because it is some sort of game to you.. Thank you, for making those once decent men believe that ALL girls are fake, slutty bitches. Much appreciated. -Love the girls who will ALWAYS have our sparkling personalities and kind hearts after your FAKE looks fade. :]

3. People who use every social network and public forum to COMPLAIN! good hell... news flash!! no one has a perfect life! You are a hell of a lot closer to it that a lot of other people so SHUT YOUR MOUTHS!

4. People looking for a rebound. SURPRISE! i'm NOT her! so take a hike... lately I feel like those are the only guys i've met and talked to. Even better is when you claim thats not what i am, but before I know it you have taken back your slutty, cheating, lying ex girlfriend, if thats what you want to call her. GRRRR...... you DESERVE to have your heart broken, and stomped on. I on the other hand, am innocently standing by.... believing maybe you were a decent guy. WRONG AGAIN!

ok now that I have retired my broom for the evening....

Its been a nice uneventful weekend in my household... me and the dogs have been enjoying our downtime, as usual. Yes for those of you who don't know yet I said dogS... I have added another dependent to my household. His name is Ruger and he is a 2 year old shih tzu who I rescued from a bad situation. He is precious and def. completes my little family.

Much love,

xoxo D.

What do you want from me..

Why'd you call me today with nothing new to say?
You pretend it's just hello, but you know what it does to me to see your number on the phone.
Now tell me, what do you want? What do you want from me?
Are you tryin' to bring back the tears or just the memories?
You keep takin' me back where I've already been.
When we hang up it's almost like I'm losing you again.
Can't you see? So what do you want from me?

I get so tired of living like this.
I don't have the time, neither do my friends,
To stay up at night, to pull me through,
And to find the things to keep my mind off of you.

So, now tell me, What do you want from me?
Did you call to say you've found someone and I'm a used- to- be.
You keep takin' me back where I've already been.
If you've moved on why does it feel like I'm losing you again?
Can't you see? So what do you want? What do you want from me?

What do you want me to say?
That I'm content? That I'm on the fence? That I wish you would've stayed?
Oh baby what do you want, what do you want, what do you want from me?
To come here and make love tonight cause you're feelin' lonely.
You keep takin' me back, takin' me back where I've already been.
When we wake up and say goodbye it's like I'm losing you again.
Can't you see? So what do you want, what do you want from me?
What do you want, what do you want from me?

Forget.

Forget his name.

forget his face.

forget his kiss.

his warm embrace

forget the love that you once knew

remember he has someone new.

forget him when they play your song

remember when you cried all night long.

forget how close you once were.

remember he has chosen her.

forget how you memorized his walk

forget the way he use to talk.

forget the things he use to say

remember he has gone away.

forget his laugh, forget his grin

forget the dimples on his chin

forget the way he held you tight

remember hes with her tonight.

forget the time that went so fast

forget the love, its moved, its past.

forget he said he would leave you never

remember now, hes gone forever.

Loads of Quotes

*Happy moments, Praise god.

Difficult moments, seek god.

Quiet moments, worship god.

Painful moments, trust god.

Every moment, Thank god.

*I don't think you're tough, I think your scared of love.

*Never forget your first everything.

*If the lord bring you to it, He will bring you through it.

*Are you my greatest love, or my greatest disappoinment in life?

*Forgive me, I always believe in love. I only wish that had been enough.

*I've got it through my head, I just cant break it to my heart. I can't believe I'm on the hurting side of pain.

*I believe in pink, I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.

-Audrey Hepburn

*People say you don't know what you have till its gone, Truth is you knew what you had, you jst never thought you'd lose it.

*In life you will always have those days, You'll make the wrong choices, fall for the wrong person, and say the wrong things. Your gonna think your world is crashing down on you, but in the end you will be able to look back and smile because it made you the person you are today.

*The trouble with love is, it can tear you up inside, make you heart believe a lie, its stronger than your pride. The trouble with love is, it doesn't care how fast you fall and you can't refuse the call. But like a drug that makes you blind, it'll fool you every time.

xoxo, D.